The Twin Flame experience is as unique as each of us who’ve been through it. I met the man I called my twin flame right after I moved to Florida and I experienced the greatest love and deepest pain of my life. I went through the fire of that flame and became a different person, a transcended person. I will never regret that experience.
That being said, there is another relationship in my life now with very similar aspects. I’m cannot call it a twin flame, because the experience I already had was that, but the things I’m experiencing in the supernatural cannot be denied, and though I’ve fought even considering this path for more than four years now, I am currently in surrender to exploring where God is leading.
Because there is so much uncertainty and so much I’m still figuring out, most of this journey I am only sharing with Patrons for the time being. You are welcome to join us there if you wish to be a part of that. Also, the final chapter in Spark A Dream speaks of this path and how this man and I met.
I am someone who journals a lot and someday I’m sure this path will be the source of much teaching, but in the meantime, just know that even though I have been still and quiet these past two years, the journey has not ended, my quest for truth is eternal and I search for it everywhere it may be presented.
So what is this thing we call the twin flame anyway? For those that don’t know, it is said to be the literal other half of your soul. There are many ideas, myths, experiences. But for me, I love the symbolism of the flame burning to ash the old, so that the Divine can rebirth anew. Whatever these relationships are, they are extraordinary soul bonds that speak of many lifetimes together and deep connections that belie understanding. I personally lean towards the Hero’s Journey and have written an article relating my twin flame experience to that journey. I’d be honored if you read it.
There are still so many questions about these types of relationships, although now more people are seeing that it may not solely be about reunion. Some even are open to the idea of a false twin, or a lower vibrational energy masking itself as a twin flame. These relationships can very easily hide deeper and darker truths because they are so filled with pain. But even true twins absolutely see their darkness mirrored back. These relationships force you to deal with your shadow self and won’t let up until you have.
“Each of us has something within us which won’t be denied, even if it makes us scream aloud to die. We are what we are, that’s all. Like the old Celtic legend of the bird with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out and dying. Because it has to, its self-knowledge can’t affect or change the outcome, can it? Everyone singing his own little song, convinced it’s the most wonderful song the world has ever heard. Don’t you see? We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it.” ― Colleen McCullough,
So do we do it to ourselves?
I sometimes wonder.
I loved my twin flame. I cannot express that enough. Even in separation, even with having to deal with my anger towards him on a near-daily basis, I loved him. Being with him taught me so much, but it was the experience and how I chose to respond to it that made me strong, is what made me transcend, it wasn’t him. So I ask myself the question, did my soul seek him out like a thornbird seeks the thornbush, and did I impale myself so that I could die and sing the most beautiful of all songs?
Do we each have within us the strength we need to walk away from that which is killing us? Because so many don’t. I’m grateful to be one of the survivors of this. I’m grateful for the lessons and the life I have now from it all. I’m grateful I allowed myself to get angry, because in many ways that anger saved my life.
I think it’s too easy to wash it all away under the label of Twin Flame, it’s what it does, it hurts and wounds… but when I thought of all the ways he’d treated me unfairly, of all the things he asked of me that no one, especially not him, should have asked of me, when I thought of the dreams and promises we made one another and I remembered how one by one he not only broke the promises but gave the dreams to another woman, I wondered how I made that okay. How did I sit there and let him dismiss me the way he did? And how does someone profess love in one breath, and then treat you so poorly in the next?
The entire journey makes little sense. He obliterated my heart and in some ways, it’s never healed. That’s the part that makes me the saddest of all.
Now some would say it’s because of reunion, that the heart will only be complete again when we are reunited, but I think it’s merely a human trait. We can only take so much and when we love as deeply as we tend to love someone like that, the heart bears wounds that don’t heal readily. I have however continued to heal and someday perhaps the wound will be no more. I will also tell you that I don’t wait for reunion. Everything within me says now that he is not the one I wait for. Everything with him now feels complete.
After he left, it was hard to breathe, it was one step at a time, like learning to walk again. We humans are a resilient lot. We can go through the most horrendous things and come out the other side stronger for it. Sheer determination and a LOT of faith in a future that I could visualize where I was happy, in love, living my dreams, that was what got me through it.
One day at a time I pulled myself back up. I was entirely alone at this point, so alone, hurt, angry, fighting depression and desolate, but I started anew.
I took my plight up in prayer and meditation because I am a woman of great faith and I don’t know any other way to get through. My guides comforted me, they protected me. During the months that passed, I took solace in the quiet of my life. I went out to Disney and there were days I just sat and stared at a lake, or the crowds. I was numb for a long while. I wondered how anyone could be so cruel. I wondered what I’d done to deserve him doing this to me… I thought all the things that I know we all do when our twins break with us and I cried… a LOT.
But then I shut the door.
What we shared here in this life, I let it die. I let the hope die that we would someday be together because I will not spend the rest of this life longing and aching for something I will not have.
My life is worth more than that.
There is an understanding that Twin Flames are supposed to touch the world. I would just like to submit that even in separation, we have this power and the responsibility of this should not be taken lightly. I am the light, the flame is within me, and I can light up the world, whether in separation or union.
I’ve taken all the wonderful blessings, the lessons and I’ve even learned how to use the energy he awakened in me for positive things. Back in October 2013… I could never have imagined where I am right now, but I am grateful for this split from him and I am wide open to whatever the universe has for me next. Namaste, love, and blessing to all who read this.